There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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