Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Every concussion has its silver lining
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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