she takes plan B like it's going out of style
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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