why im i the only drunk person in the library?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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