I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Randomize
