Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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