so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
