Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Randomize
