he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
