My Higher Power is John Stamos
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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