I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
