I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I just threw up on my dentist
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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