hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
