Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
