FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
