Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
