i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Randomize
