he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
