I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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