Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
