you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
