First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
