Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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