Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
