I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
My penis needs a shock collar
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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