You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
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