I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I can't turn off my feet"
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
