We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
COCAINE IS GR8
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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