CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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