I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
