I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
