trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
