idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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