well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
