Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
