I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
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I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
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You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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