he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
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Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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