? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
