She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
