I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
