Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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