it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
