i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
