i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
