Fine. I'll sleep in my office
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
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I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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