she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
