Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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