Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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