Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
She's the barista slut.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize