It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Randomize
