Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
that is very illegal...i love you.
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