HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
