So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
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