Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
