I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
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I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
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What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
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