I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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