Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
