drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
