the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
