It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
